HomeCryptoLosing your life savings on cryptocurrencies is a Brexit opportunity
Losing your life savings on cryptocurrencies is a Brexit opportunity
December 12, 2022
Messages from the archive of Rutherford Hall, critical communications strategist
WhatsApp Jules: Are you good with digital currencies? We have a new client, cryptocurrency exchange Wampa, and all I know about this stuff is money laundering and Ponzi schemes, so I might need a second chair on this account.
WhatsApp to Julius: It does not matter; it’s even more than I know. They are concerned about a new UK regulatory push, so part of our strategy is to point out that cryptocurrencies are an opportunity for Brexit.
WhatsApp to Julius: That’s right, the right to lose your life savings in minutes is a growth opportunity for Brexit. But let’s work on the formulation of this!
Evian, it’s great to work with you. May I also introduce my colleague Jules (cc-d), who heads our advanced technologies division. As you say, this is a key moment. The FCA is eager to regulate the industry and clearly Sam Fried-Mybank has made this more difficult for us.
By the way, you’ve always said in public that you would welcome regulation. May I check if you mean this?
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Ok, that’s what I assumed. We are already activating our contacts at the Treasury and we see two approaches. First, a clear resistance to regulation by the Financial Conduct Authority.
Conservatives want to pitch Britain as a crypto hub even though hardly anyone knows what that means. Post Brexit, they are keen to show that the UK is still at the forefront of new financial services, so we will argue that stifling EU-style regulation will move this industry to where it is now.
But there is a second approach where we seem to embrace sensible controls by drawing a distinction between good regulation and bad. The truth is, there’s basically one guy at FCA who understands the industry and only works part-time. There is a limit to what they can achieve without our help and in the current turmoil there may be commercial value in being able to call ourselves authorized by the FCA.
Good regulation might consist of stricter rules on advertising. It doesn’t seem to have done any harm to gambling. I’m not sure saying “please invest responsibly” at the end of an ad is going to seriously hit bottom line. Of course we don’t want tobacco-style bikers saying “Investing in cryptocurrencies means you may never see your money again.” Or “Investments may go up or down, but probably down, possibly within a week.”
Bad regulation would stifle investor protection rules like proper UK presence, 1:1 reserves on stablecoins, proof of activity, no commingling of funds, a regular audit, all those Brussels-type checks. This degree of interference would kill the UK as a global center for digital finance and betray the promise of Brexit.
The question ministers need to ask is why they would prevent Britons from investing with us here via an exchange endorsed by some of our most beloved pop stars and footballers. So the goal is to look like a bank but be regulated like a bookie.
Don’t worry, you won’t have to come to London, you can talk to them on Zoom. Better yet, invite them over to Anguilla for pizza.
Yes of course, I am happy to communicate via Telegram in the future. Or, for maximum security, we could always come and see you. . .
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Telegram to Evian: Hey Ev, interesting point you already need to be registered for money laundering purposes anyway, but I’m afraid describing us as FCA registered may just end them. It’s great that you’re looking for front men for your campaign, but I’m not sure if Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock set the right vibe. We want someone who screams reassuringly, not someone who can suck a kangaroo’s anus.
WhatsApp to Julius: When we see the guys from Downing Street, it keeps pointing out the UK as a crypto hub. Don’t they want to support a financial sector so cutting edge that its main operating entity is registered on an island in the metaverse? He also talks about tata-statism. Only a socialist government would interfere with the freedom to give one’s money away. And why should we strangle an exchange that offers 28% interest on assets? He uses the phrase “stablecoin” a lot. I know the founder of one of these is now on the Interpol red list, but he seems reliable.
Telegram to Evian: Yes, I think we are making progress. It’s a very generous offer and I’m a huge fan of the stablecoin. Unfortunately for tax reasons we find it easier to settle our accounts in pounds or dollars. Regulators, huh?