Will the king of cryptocurrencies go from fraudster to convict?

Last week we saw the unveiling of the latest investment expert Sam Bankman-Fried aka “SBF”. You can be sure of one thing: when the press starts heralding someone as the next genius of the stock market, we usually get very close to discovering that person was a complete scam all along, and soon after the whole operation collapses like a house of cards.

A year ago, SBF graced the cover of Forbes magazine and was hailed as the “kidwizard” of cryptocurrency investing. That’s because if you stopped to consider how he was able to promise such impossible returns on people’s money, boy, you’d have to wonder. He has reportedly robbed many people of their money to the tune of $32 billion dollars that would make even Bernie Madoff blush.

Cryptocurrency is one of those made-up things that exist only in your imagination, but people have leapt at each other to get a piece of it. I just can’t imagine what could go wrong exchanging real money for imaginary money. I think I’ll start selling imaginary gold and see where it takes me. If buyers ask to see my gold, I would tell them it’s right there next to their cryptocurrency. Which is right next to my imaginary friends, just above the emperor’s new clothes, and just to the left of the pink elephants in the room. I’ll make a fortune.

Just a year ago, some of the words used to describe SBF were “phenom”, “self-made”, “philanthropist”, “genius” and “guru”. Now they use words like “fraud”, “crook”, “swindler”, “rat fink”, “quack” and “cheater”. See what a difference a year makes?

One of the quotes from the Forbes magazine interview with him was “I got involved in cryptocurrencies with no idea what cryptocurrencies were.” Yes, that sums it all up. Evidently he was involved in a fraud because, unlike cryptocurrencies, he knew what the fraud was. Even fraud pays better than cryptocurrencies.

Some investors were initially skeptical of a company run by self-proclaimed “wunderkind” twenty-somethings who appear to still need braces and haven’t yet had their first kiss. You’d think a company whose website included mission statements with the phrase “A madman and his money part soon” and a vision statement proclaiming “There’s an idiot born every minute” would raise an eyebrow or two, but not in this case.

In a statement she released from her secret hideout in the Caribbean, she initially swore up and down that she did nothing wrong and had nothing to hide. His ex-girlfriend, who seems desperate to be introduced to an orthodontist, has been echoing her sentiments from her lavish penthouse, also a secret hideaway somewhere in the Bahamas. They were allegedly intimately involved until her company started hemorrhaging money and she realized that she didn’t love him as much as she used to when he was, well…more, filthy rich and didn’t face jail. .

I’m likely to go from con man to convict if even one percent of what I’ve read is true. He’s vowed to fight extradition to the United States, a country he loves dearly (except for its judicial system), by sticking to an environmental activist protesting climate change in a museum somewhere.

He was taken into custody by the Bahamian police and assigned to a prison that is just like you would imagine it in the movies. In addition to other hardened criminals, there are grubs and rodents, which should make him feel at home since many consider him a rat. His attorney commented that his client is vegan and suffers from attention deficit disorder (ADD), insomnia and depression. In other words, he’s just a regular guy.

The US government has promised swift retribution. And just to show that they think everyone deserves a second chance, they’re considering assigning Jeffrey Epstein’s former prison guards to watch over him as they take him into custody as he awaits trial. I bet he never gets anywhere near a courtroom.

And finally, even Superman knew SBF’s plan was bad business. When he was invited to an evening session involving SBF to discuss investments with the company, he declined to go when he found out it was crypto night.

Joe Crawford is a longtime Alton resident who writes weekly columns for The Telegraph. He can be reached at [email protected]

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